Phase6

A new challenge...

2006-10-10T13:17:00.000-04:00

The other day I was cutting up some pepperjack cheese, and I popped a piece in my mouth. It was a rather hot piece of cheese, and my brain immediately registered that "pepper" was indeed the key component to pepperjack cheese.

And it should therefore be expressed as such - PEPPERjack cheese.

For some reason that got me to thinking, there are probably other words that could be treated the same way. For example, dEVIL.

Now, far be it from me to claim to have created a new category of words like sniglets, palindromes or spoonerisms, but I wonder... what other words have these "hidden" elements in them. (Okay, they weren't exactly trying to hide "pepper" in pepperjack, but you get the idea.)

A couple of others to get the list started.

sOlUTionS
cELebrATED
mONologuE

Okay, smart people who peruse my blog... let's see some more.

My ass is not slippery

2006-08-27T21:27:00.000-04:00

Today we took the kids to the waterpark. After my wife went down the kiddie slide with the 9-month-old a couple of times, it was my turn. I got to the top of the slide, sat down in the stream of water at the beginning of the flume that had to be piped in directly from the edge of a barely melting glacier, perched the kid in my lap, and shoved off.

Nothing.

I pushed, I shoved, I did the "butt wiggle" to work my way down the slide, but nothing doing. There was no slide to be had on my butt.

Thoroughly embarrassed, I stand up, walk back up the small bit of slide I'd gyrated down, and went back down to the bottom. Meanwhile, other kids and parents are going down the slide like someone had greased the slide and hand-waxed their ass with with astro-glide.

My wife then tried to tell me what I did wrong, despite my assurances that 40-some years of sliding down slides had given me plenty of experience. So, to prove her point, we went back up the slide together, kid in tow, and she gave me a demonstration, and I watched her slide nicely to the bottom and return to the top so I could give it another shot.

So I sat down in the frigid flow yet again, took said 9-month-old into my lap and off we went.

Not.

Once again, I was stuck in place. I pushed until veins popped out on my forehead. I did the scrunchy move like a dog trying to wipe his ass on the ground. Nothing. Like my butt and that slide were two pieces of complementary velcro.

Of course, my wife wouldn't accept that I had a butt with zero viscosity, so she starts to push from behind. The line is backing up behind us now, so she's really putting her all into it, but it accomplishes nothing more than giving me a spectacular wedgie that will almost certainly be featured on an upcoming episode of one of those Discovery Channel emergency medical shows.

In the end, she gives up, takes the kid and slides down the slide. I still have no idea why my ass refused to make the trip.

My buddy Charleston

2006-08-25T10:13:00.000-04:00

Chuck Kallenbach makes me laugh.

I don't ever remember having a conversation with him that didn't elicit some sort of laugh, chuckle, grin or smile. Even when he was mad (even at me) he managed to say something that I could find humor in.

That's a great asset to have in a friend. Someone you always look forward to talking to, no matter the circumstances.

From the day he showed up in the office sitting at my desk with my new computer, to last night, when he advised me to call his real estate agent and schedule an appointment to look at his home for the sole purpose of "stealing" a piece of furniture he was going to give me anyway because he couldn't get the garbage man to take it away, I have been the benefactor of nearly nine years of Kallenbach humor.

Oddly enough, we are nothing alike. In politics, religion, sports and many other things, we are nowhere close to being aligned. But we didn't fight about those things, or really even talk about them that much. Most of the time we just talked about silly shit that two grown men probably shouldn't waste their time on.

And for that I shall be forever grateful.

At least he's just moving to Denver. Thank goodness for email :-)

These are a few of my favorite... lines

2006-08-22T21:24:00.000-04:00

Those unfortunate enough to have to spend hours of time with me at work, on airplanes or driving know my habit of quoting lines from films and tv.

Maybe I'm just not smart enough to think of anything on my own.

Anyway, I thought I would share a couple of my favrites. Points to those who get them all without using a web search :-)

(these aren't that hard)

"Vengeance is mine, saith the Lord. Saint Paul in his epistle to the Romans. Of course, St. Paul never had a disciple who got his neck broke by a slut from a Santa Fe whorehouse."

"We're gonna need a bigger boat."

"Did we give up when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?"

"With God as my witness, I thought Turkeys could fly."

"It's 106 miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses." "Hit it."

"Rolls-Royce Phantom two. 4.3 litre, 30 horsepower, six cylinder engine, with Stromberg downdraft carburetor, can go from zero to 100 kilometres an hour in 12.5 seconds. And I even like the color."

Gotta post, gotta post

2006-08-18T09:55:00.000-04:00

It's like exercise. You have to make yourself do it for the first few weeks, and then after that, you get mad if you don't do it.

Right?

Finally!

2006-08-10T09:52:00.000-04:00

I got locked out of my blog account, and I finally cracked the Rosetta Stone and got back in. Grrrr. Oh well, at least I figured it out.

Oh, I'm not dead (again).

Another reason he's my hero

2006-06-20T09:12:00.000-04:00

Reading all the Father's Day posts about guys missing their dads made me exceptionally glad I was able to spend the day with my dad Sunday. We went to a Tides' game and then he sat in the sun and watched his boy play soccer.

I'm 42 and he still goes to my games when he can. He' s setting the bar pretty high for me to follow in his footsteps.

One thing I got from some of the other posts is this. Always talk to your parents. Get them to tell you stories. You won't regret it. When we were at the baseball game, I found out my dad spent a summer playing as the only white player in a "black" baseball league. This during the '50s in rural North Carolina. It's very cool when you can be proud of your dad.

Whooda Thunk?

2006-06-20T09:06:00.000-04:00

The Stanley Cup in North Carolina.

I'm not a big hockey fan, but I'm glad to see the "hometown" guys win. It's not that I dislike hockey, but not growing up watching it or playing it has kept me from developing a keen interest.

I was the same way about soccer until I started playing it. Now I luvs me some soccer. If I didn't have glass ankles (and a 40-something endoskeleton), maybe I'd give a hockey a shot at some point.

In any event, go 'Canes!

Things you may not know about me...

2006-06-13T22:18:00.000-04:00

Taking a cue from Easily Distracted...

I'm half blind in my left eye. Gives me fits with depth perception and balance.

When I was in Junior High School, I set off the alarm at the Smithsonian Institute.

Every time I hear that stoopid sappy song from Mike and the Mechanics... The Living Years, I think... I tear up.

I was the singer in a rock band for two days.

I actually possessed a Milli Vanilli cassette tape. Didn't own it, mind you, but I possessed it.

I was once a male stripper (yeah, a lot of you know that already, but there's always at least one person that has the "what the hell?!??" reaction).

I have never owned a computer gaming system.

I once drank the opening round and last round in a four-man drinking competition. (We only had three guys.) We finished third out of seven teams. I puked later.

My most prized physical possession (no, my kids are not "possessions") is my baseball glove. My dad bought it for me in 1977.

I found a shark's tooth on the beach once... estimated by a shark-tooth expert to be between 5-30 million years old. How cool is that?

I've been in a tv commercial.

I, too, am afraid of spiders.

If I could pick three people with whom to spend an evening chatting and drinking beer they would be Gary Larson, Neal Stephenson and Ben Edlund. I would probably piss myself multiple times laughing.

A few more shots from the cookout...

2006-06-10T22:47:00.000-04:00

The transference of matter

2006-06-10T17:27:00.000-04:00

I'm not sure about this, because I wasn't exactly a science whiz in school, but I believe there is a finite amount of matter on earth. Sure, we rearrange the atoms to make new stuff, but essentially it's just reorganizing the deck chairs on the Titanic, so to speak.

When I cleaned out my storage shed this weekend, and had a truckload of junk to haul to the dump, I felt a little guilty about contributing more mass to the landfill. I'm certainly not going to be accused of being a greenie, but I try to minimize my negative impact on the envirnoment. But on the drive over there, I started thinking. The scrap wood I was throwing away sprang from the ground as a tree. The various pieces of plastic were once petroleum, which was once fossils, which also came from the earth.

So in a way, I was just "returning" those atoms to whence they came, and I suddenly felt a little less guilty.

I'm sure my science has some holes in it, but it was the best I could do early on a Saturday morning.

I was a Wolfpacker once, and young.

2006-06-01T21:58:00.000-04:00

NC State Wolfpack volleyball head coach Charita J. Stubbs has announced that Chrissy Zirpolo of Los Altos Hills, Calif. will be joining the team next fall. A 5' 11" outside hitter, Zirpolo will join the team as a true freshman.

They didn't make volleyball players like this when I was in high school.

Thing is, NC State will probably see a jump in the recruitment for male athletes too :-)

Some shots from the cookout

2006-05-30T22:04:00.000-04:00

Brad and the Navy Wives.

The group from Tim's new job. Notice Ryan taking a picture of Tim taking a picture of Ryan taking a picture...

Don't he look natural? I promised Juz not to email this one to his wife.

Erika explaining to Alex that's her juice bottle.

Mike and Chuck on the phone with Evan, celebrating the first virtual appearance at the cookout.

More goodies later!

Teach... your children well...

2006-05-23T21:34:00.000-04:00

Get them started reading early.

They'll love you for it :-)

That's a lot of mulch

2006-05-18T21:43:00.000-04:00

No, those are not matchbox cars in the driveway. That's what 22 cubic yards of mulch looks like dumped in your driveway. My back hurts already :-(

Marketing

2006-05-13T08:55:00.000-04:00

Since I've been working in real estate marketing, I've noticed how a lot of people have names for their houses. Especially the expensive ones.

Names like Hawkstone, or Tara, or Oak Hollow.

So, since I added the "wing" onto the house last fall, I've been thinking I need to fancy up the joint and give the house a name.

We have a nice riverbirch tree in the front yard that's my favorite tree. So I've decided to name the house Riverbirch. Sounds kinda classy, don't it?

I also noticed how people think names look fancier with an "e" on the end. You know... Lake Pointe, or Harbor Towne.

So next year when I send out fancy invites for the 10th Annual Memorial Day Cookout, they will invite you to come celebrate at historic Riverbirche. Adding the "historic" is just to make the property value go up.

His crushing logic

2006-05-10T09:03:00.000-04:00

Having kids is such an educational experience. They can be so logical, and say things that make perfect sense, even though it's not quite right.

For instance, my son John has used the word "yesternight" to describe, well, you know.

So last- uh, yesternight, after I fed Alex, the 5-month-old, I was trying to get him to burp. He didn't want to, so I walked around for a few minutes patting his back, and eventually, he burped.

Me: "There's that burp I was looking for."
John: "Why didn't you just look in his mouth?"

He kills me.

'Tis the season

2006-05-08T07:19:00.000-04:00

One of the reasons I decided to stay in this area when the career change presented itself was my son's love of the beach.

Days like Saturday make me glad I did.

Of course, it was cold and rainy on Sunday when I had a soccer game, but that's just par for the course lately. Still, all in all, I'm happy with the choice :-)

Is there a database fairy?

2006-05-05T15:39:00.000-04:00

In my new job, I'm trying to learn new skills. I figure the more skillage, the more marketable I become (yes folks, he can be taught).

Now, the only thing I know about databases is that they can be used for both good and evil. Given that, I've decided to do a little self-instruction and develop one for work to maintain a heinously burdensome mailing list of about 6 billion people.

Now, before you laugh at the prospect of liberal-arts-major me developing a database, let me just add that my loving wife is helping. She's a lot smarter than I am.

If, for fun, you want to see what my dabbling produces (just for laughs and entertainment, of course, as there could be no real vlaue in seeing me do something productive), you can check it out at the Memorial Day Cookout.

How's that for a sneaky plug... it's only 24 days away!

He was a pretty good writer, too.

2006-05-02T09:44:00.000-04:00

In religion and politics, people's beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second hand, and without examination. - Mark Twain.

Well said, Mr. Clemmons

If I'm ever put in the position of being supreme ruler (was that a universal shudder I just felt?), before people could drone on about religion, politics or whether or not a game function was broken, they would have to appear on my new reality show called "Prove It!"

And I hate reality shows, so you can imagine how little tolerance I'd have for the usual rhetoric.

Mission Improbable

2006-04-28T08:26:00.000-04:00

One of the "location" shots in the upcoming Mission Impossible film is the Chesapeake Bay Bridge Tunnel. I guess they are doing some kind of chase scene or something, because there ain't a whole lot else you can do on it.

It's not a suspension bridge like the Golden Gate for James Bond to climb around on, or the Brooklyn Bridge for Godzilla to get tangled up in. It's just a bridge. Albiet a very long one with a couple of tunnels. Maybe that's the plot thingy. Those other bridges don't have tunnels.

My new job makes me a semi-frequent traveler over the CBTT. It's a nice drive, really, if the wind isn't blowing a hundred miles an hour. I'd do it more often except for the $17.00 round-trip ticket cost.

I doubt you will see my car in any pan shots, since I never saw any camera crews. But look for the sea gulls. If you want to know whether they are real or CGI there are two tell-tale signs. For some reason, the sea gulls always all face the same direction. Odd, but true. So if the sea gulls are facing every whcih way, they are probably CGI. And you can also check for sea gull shit on Tom Cruise's car.

Luke, I am your father.

2006-04-26T09:01:00.000-04:00

Okay, so maybe this wasn't the biggest parenting decision I will ever have to make, but for some time the decision of which order to watch the Star Wars movies with my 5-year-old has been troubling me.

Do you watch them in release order, or chronological order?

Release order gets you the mystery of Vader and the revelation that he is Luke's father. Chronological order gets you the story from start to finish.

Dilemmas, Dilemmas.

Anyway, the problem sort of got solved for me in that I owned the first three films (4,5 and 6)and didn't have the second batch (1,2, and 3).

Plot catch-up moment - I had come into possession of a Star Wars lego kit some time back, and was saving it for my son. He found it in the garage this weekend when I was cleaning up. So he started playing with it and was having a blast, so I asked him if he wanted to watch the movie.

We watched Star Wars and he enjoyed it. But he was full of questions about Luke's dad. So I decided it was better to show him Empire now rather than back track. The look on his face when Vader tells Luke that he is his father was priceless. Good decision dad!

Of course, now we have to watch Return of the Jedi tonight because he seems concerned about Han being frozen in the black ice stuff. But he keeps asking how Luke's dad turned into Darth Vader, which means a trip to block buster and having to sit through Episodes 1-3 again.

Oh well, maybe they will be better watching them through the eyes of a 5-year-old.

It's almost May!

2006-04-21T08:43:00.000-04:00

And that means Memorial Day. And that means cookout!

Yep, the 9th annual Memorial Day Cookout is scheduled this year for May 29th.

So mark your calendars, put a note in your pda or strategically place the tic marks in your jail cell.

Details coming later. If, perchance, you think I may not have your contact info since the cataclysm, feel free to let me know here.

Nobody knows, the trouble I've seen...

2006-04-18T20:24:00.000-04:00

My alma mater needs a basketball coach.

NC State has offered some folks about $2 million a year to coach their men's basketball team.

And they keep getting turned down.

It's not the money, obviously, but the fear that they wouldn't be able to compete with Dook and North Carolina year in and year out.

Chicken shits.

If you don't want to compete against the best, be an accountant or a lawyer or something. But don't be a college basketball coach.

I'll take the job. And I'll only cost them $100K a year. And they can fire me after any season I don't win 20 games. And Dook and UNC can bite my ass. I'll play them three or four times a year.

But I won't play Texas, Memphis, LSU or Texas A&M. Their coaches are chicken shits.

Impacting people's lives

2006-04-14T06:49:00.000-04:00

It's amazing how people impact your life in subtle, but profound ways. Take these examples from just the last three days.

1) Someone mentioned the word "defenestrate," and I knew that meant to throw something out of a window. I knew that because of Chuck Kallenbach, and the many discussions we had about simple things like cool words. I looked smart because of Chuck.

2) At work, a couple of co-workers were talking about web portals, during which the following was said: "I think we need more portals." Suddenly, without even thinking about it, I was channeling Dan Bojanowski. "Your mom's a portal."

After the initial shock wore off, and a brief explanantion, we all laughed about it.

3) I ran into Brad the other day. I used to read a lot. Then when I got married and had a time-consuming job, my reading slacked off considerably. When I went to the airport to pick up Brad for his interview, his plane was delayed. So I picked up a Clive Cussler novel to read while I waited. 17 Cussler books (and many others) later, I'm an avid reader again. Thanks Brad.

4) Also ran into Joe. Joe gave me a check for $25 (and loaned me a copy of Settlers of Cataan). The check was for money I'd won in a Super Bowl pool. I had no idea I had won any money. How many friends do you have that would remember to give you money you didn't even know about, months after the fact? And lend you a game to boot. Good friend, that.

5) And in a last minute entry, today at lunch I used the "Winter-poop" method to see who went first in Carcassonne. Thanks Jason!

So... how has your last week been impacted by the people in your life?

Pimp my ride

2006-04-10T21:28:00.000-04:00

This is actually a public service announcement.

After pulling the kiddie-cart out of it's 4-year exile in the attic, we found that the little top that spins around and makes noise didn't make noise anymore. Fact is, it needs a battery to make those cute/annoying noises. So I takes the battery compartment lid off to put the batteries in and to my dismay, I find the old batteries still in there.

Now, can anyone here tell me what good it does to leave batteries in a toy in the attic for four years? Anyone? Bueller? Anyone?

So, after spending no small amount of time extracting corroded batteries and cleaning the contact points, I got it to work. So... the public service part of the story... for the love of pete, take the batteries out of electronics when you're not going to be using them for more than a couple of days. Note: ESPECIALLY if it's going to be for four or more years in an attic that gets hotter than the 10th level of Hell for months at a time and cold as a witches tit for months at a time.

Now, if you want to claim I set this whole thing up just to get another shot of my little man on my blog, so be it. But take my advice on the batteries.

But what I really want to do is direct...

2006-04-09T17:41:00.000-04:00

Those of you who knew me at my previous job know that I was an oft-frustrated creative sort. Since my career has changed, so has my ability to "make things."

At first, I was kind of like the zoo animal who is finally let out of the cage. I just sort of stood there, intimidated by the lack of restraints, having no idea what to do. So I froze up and didn't do anything.

But, as I have come to realize, opportunties become increasingly rare and more precious the older you get. So I've decided that since I have no one to tell me "you can't do that," or "that's no good," or "that's off focus," I can finally do some creative stuff and not worry about whether it's good enough for somebody else.

For many years now, I have been a writer who didn't. The only difference between that and being an astronaut who doesn't go into space or a marathoner who doesn't run is that I actually used to be writer. Got paychecks for it and everything. Now it's time to write again, and nobody can tell me I can't.

Nobody.

What keeps me busy.

2006-04-08T20:08:00.000-04:00

Dad never told me how much work it is to be a good dad. He made it look so easy.

It's hard, but at least it's fun.

So... time to catch up

2006-04-06T20:17:00.000-04:00

I'm back. Again. Nothing tragic or sinister happened, I just got overwhelmed with life stuff, and couldn't seem to make the time to post anything. I barely even lurked at anyone else's blog. It's amazing how doubling your offspring sucks away four times as much time. Tuttle, you didn't warn me about that :-(

In case anyone was wondering, and I have no idea if anyone ever checks this anymore to see, but here's what's been going on since my last post.

1) New baby. Ok, technically he was here before my last post, but it's close enough to count. Alex is doing well, and I suspect he will soon be the biggest human being on the planet. The boy isn't five months old yet and he's already wearing 9 mo-12 mo clothes. Nothing fits. He's in the 95th percentile in height and off the chart in weight. Look for him soon in "The Baby Who Ate Tokyo.

2) New job. It had to happen eventually. My wife was not going to let me be a man of leisure forever. Not that looking for a job is all that leisurely, but hey, it was nice to be able to watch Tom and Jerry everyday at 12:30. So these days I'm a marketing assistant for a real estate marketing firm. We have a mega-resort complex on Virginia's eastern shore. Pretty cool stuff, but not the same as "playing games for a living."

3) New house. Well, not really. But the addition is done, except for the periodic return of the builder to replace shingles that get blown off the roof. I put the shingles on my storage shed myself 7 years ago. Many hurricanes later, they're still there. New roof, done by "professionals?" Shingles jump off everytime kite-flying weather comes about. Sheesh.

4) New neighbors. My mom and dad moved to Virginia to be near their grandkids. Oh, and me too, they will add when pressed about it. We wanted them to be close by, and they were able to get a home a few blocks down the road. Score! Nothing like a grandma close by.

So... I will be posting more... here and on your blog, too - if you're not careful.

Phase Seven?

2006-04-06T19:40:00.000-04:00

Nah. Too much work. Let's call it Phase6.1 and get back into the swing of things. That way I don't have to go through the trouble of setting up a new title and all.

My apologies for falling off the earth. But I have two feet firmly planted again, and it's time to get back on the bike I fell off of.

To the lumber yard!

Mr. Alex Daniel Ellington

2005-11-22T09:19:00.000-05:00

Born 11/21/05

8 pounds, six ounces

20.5 inches long

Mother and son are fine

More details later

Tricks of the trade

2005-10-26T08:21:00.000-04:00

I'm in the middle of having an addition built on my house. I'll skip the mostly boring parts of waiting for inspections and dealing with the little inconveniences such as having all your clothes in your bath tub for a couple of weeks because your closet is now a hallway.

Yesterday the guys came to put plaster on the walls. Very talented plasterers. They did a nice job.

Having never witnessed this, and being naturally nosey, I was hanging out watching them. I noticed this unique-looking sponge sitting next to the plaster, with nice beveled edges. It looked very specialized, so I asked the guy where you bought beveled sponges.

"Kroger," he replies. "Three pack."

And then I noticed he was "uniquing" up another sponge by taking a pair of scissors and trimming the square edges off.

If you want to learn something, watch somone who knows what they're doing.

A quote from Rosa Parks

2005-10-26T08:16:00.000-04:00

"I have learned over the years that when one's mind is made up, this diminishes fear; knowing what must be done does away with fear."

Remarkable words from a remarkable woman.

Now, to just make up my mind...

The acorn doesn't fall far from the tree.

2005-10-20T08:42:00.000-04:00

Last night was a defining moment in my relationship with my son.

What was it? The talk? No, he's just shy of 5. Our first ballgame together? Nah, we've already done that. "I love you, daddy?" Nope, he's been saying that for years.

Last night we watched 17 consecutive episodes of Tom and Jerry.

Not the same one 17 times, heavens no. We watched my dvd of classic T&J episodes.

Flashback a few years....

I have always been a T&J fan. My favorite cartoon series ever. Ever. Now, I know some folks aren't fans, and I'm not evangelical about it, so I don't usually care to argue the point with people. But I stand on the fact that between 1943 and 1953, T&J garnered 7 Oscars for best animated short (and totalled another 6 nominations over the years). Most of these were produced by the legendary Fred Quimby, although another legend in animation, Rudolph Ising, produced the first title, Puss gets the Boot, in 1940 (oscar nominated).

Of course, most of the awards (and nominations) went to Quimby and a couple of directors named William Hanna and Joseph Barbera. You may have heard of them. Then there was this guy named Chuck Jones who made a few... So I have no shame or apologies for liking T&J.

Anyhow, as most folks who know me will attest, I'm not exactly on the cutting edge of technology. I still have never owned a video gaming system, and it wasn't until my wife was pregnant with my son that I eventually got a cell phone.

So, when I finally took the plunge a couple of years ago and bought a dvd player, I had to get some dvds, right? I bought the obligitory Matrix dvd, Young Frankenstein, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, and yes, Tom and Jerry's greatest hits. I watched the Matrix with my wife before Matrix 2 came out, Monty and Young Franky are still in the plastic. But the first dvd I watched that I owned was T&J.

Unfortunately, it had lain dormant for the past couple of years, as most of my tv time (with the exception of some sci-fi and sports) has been spent on Nick, Cartoon Network and Disney. Some good stuff, to be sure, but not the classics.

So the other day I hear John laughing at the tv, and I see he's watching a T&J episode on Cartoon Network. I asked him if he liked it, and he says "yeah, I like it when the cat gets beat up."

My heart skipped a beat.

I told him I had a dvd with lots of T&J on it, and told him we could watch it sometime. He liked that idea.

So... last night, while mom and grandma were out at a "jewelry party," the boy and I go to Burger King (he has to get all the Wallace and Gromit-o-matics), and then head home. Just the two of us. I put in the dvd, and we spend the next 17 episodes laughing out loud at T&J. Me and my boy, just like when I was a kid.

So whether or not he likes sports, or science fiction, or playing games, or reading, or anything else, I know we'll always have T&J to fall back on.

Barbara Walters has a King?

2005-10-13T17:46:00.000-04:00

From news blip on abcnews.com:

Saudi Arabia's King Abdullah gives his first-ever television interview since becoming king to Barbara Walters, discussing women's rights, rising oil prices, and the war on terror.

Damn. I want to be somebody's king.

Effective advertising

2005-10-12T10:44:00.000-04:00

Another gem from my four-year-old son, as we are riding home the other day:

John: Can we go to Burger King?
Me: Maybe (classic dad avoidance answer).
John: They have the new Walsh and Gromick (hey, he's only 4) Attack of the Were Rabbit Toys.
Me: They do?
John: Uh-huh. Eight different ones. Only at Burger King. While supplies last.

Somewhere on Madison Avenue, somebody was grinning.

They grow up so fast.

2005-10-11T08:14:00.000-04:00

My son (4) and I "rassle" many nights before bedtime. It's a great father-son bonding thing.

Right up until the point where he gave me a wedgie, and laughed like the true demon seed he must surely be.

It's on now.

Ass Miles

2005-10-11T08:11:00.000-04:00

Adj. Like dog years, but refer to the miles you have left to drive. Esp. on a long trip.

As in, "only 15 more miles to go."
"What? That's like, 45 ass miles."

By your command...

2005-10-04T22:11:00.000-04:00

The wife and I went to see Serenity today. Darn good flick. I went because Chuck told me to. I always do what Chuck tells me to do.

Don't you?

Okay, so I wanted to see it anyway. I spent yesterday watching the 3 unaired episodes on dvd. Glad I did. Chuck didn't tell me to do that. I did that on my own. I am an independent thinker after all.

A skill I don't have

2005-10-04T22:07:00.000-04:00

Although I'm damn sure there are a lot of pictures I could put here that would be true to that title, this is the non-skill I was currently thinking about.

Sand sculpting at the beach. They were pretty f-ing awesome.

I would give almost anything...

2005-10-04T22:00:00.000-04:00

... to remember the unencumbered happiness he had at that moment.

I am not dead

2005-10-04T21:47:00.000-04:00

Really.

Sometimes it just seems that way online.

I could go into a lot of "causes" as to why I haven't been posting, but I'll spare you the details. Suffice it to say, I'm not dead.

So, when one has a lot to say after being held blogless for a period of time, is it best to rip off a series of short, specific posts, or one long, rambling one?

Hmmmm.... I would think for the sake of those who wish to post responses, a series of short ones would be better, since that way the replies aren't a smorgasbord of non sequitor posts.

But should I be posting to ensure the highest reply rate possible, or posting to clear all the things I have inside my head in a bulimic sort of purging? I'm vexed.

I guess it comes down to the basic principal of deciding whether I blog for myself, or for the intended entertainment of others. I'm not sure I know the answer to that. Yet.

Screw it. I'll do a bunch of little ones, so I feel like I'm being more productive.

Piss Ants

2005-09-18T22:00:00.000-04:00

I was at K-Mart the other day, and I saw a product (can't remember the actual product) labelled Puissance.

Who the hell names a product Piss Ants?

I guess Schitthedd was already trademarked.

Two kinds of people

2005-09-10T22:53:00.000-04:00

There are two kinds of people in the world.

Those who, when playing pinball machines, hit both flipper buttons at the same time - everytime - and those who use the flippers independently. If you have ever played a pinball machine (I know some of you may be too young to have much experience with this), or if you ever do in the future, you fall into one of these two categories.

When I was in junior high school there was a pinball arcade next door. Really, next door. I could hear the buzzers and bells when I stood outside on the porch at night. So I got to watch a lot of people play pinball machines. Whether you used both flippers at once or were ambidextrous and could use both hands independently said something about your personality.

Did you approach the challenge with a brute force, all or nothing subjugation of the machine, or did you let each hand operate alone, surgically.... attempting to thwart the machine's relentless use of gravity to pull the ball back into it's innards?

I'm sure there's a really groundbreaking study imbedded in there somewhere. And I won't even begin to try and break down the psychological complexities of those players who could, seemingly, trap the ball at will just to piss off those of us who had the "next" quarter on the glass cover of the machine.

I was reminded of this obscure, yet cosmically profound dichotomy Saturday at a Chuck E. Cheese. Why? I'm a single-flipper, but my son is showing tendencies of being a double-flipper. He's only four, so I'm not ready to disown him yet, but I am looking into DNA testing.

So... ask yourself, are you a single-flipper player in the pinball game of life, or a double-flipper? And what does this say about you?

And what does it say about me that I can have a zen moment in the middle of Chuck E. Cheese on a Saturday afternoon?

The Incomplete Idiot

2005-09-08T18:05:00.000-04:00

I don't think I'm a complete idiot... I'm not finished yet.

2005-09-06T08:10:00.000-04:00

Opportunities...

I have been thinking quite a bit lately about my career (past, present, and future), as I'm sure many of you who are also dearly departed from the company have done over the last few months.

What am I going to do now?

As Shocho so succintly puts it, the want ads are not full of openings for former TCG designers.

Just to make sure I don't forget that, I seem to be faced with the question "so what kind of job are you looking for?" rather often these days. To be honest, I have no friggin idea.

I'm not a "specialist." That is, I'm not an engineer, doctor, plumber, computer programmer, accountant or lawyer. I don't have a "title." I have an English degree. I have lots of experience, and lots of skills, but nothing that comes wrapped in a nice neat package with a name on it.

So... I'm a generalist. I can do lots of things pretty well, but nothing exceptionally well, like a titled skill.

For instance. I can hold my own in Photoshop or Quark, but I'm not a graphic designer. I can run queries and pull info out of a database, but I'm certainly no database programmer. I have good writing and editing skills, but my newspaper days are so far behind me I'd be hesitant to call myself a journalist. The sad fact is, most people are looking to hire a "something," not an "anything."

I have, shall we say, a diverse background. A wide range of experience. My jobs, to date, include:

* Working on a tobacco farm (many facets, including picking the leaves from the stalks and driving a tractor)
* Lawn mower (probably the job I hated most growing up)
* Put bait worms in those little paper cups (yes, it is a hand process, not mechanical)
* Peanut Shack (a mall-based snack shop)
* Rainbow's Ice Cream (now you know, Kathy)
* Concession stand at local ball park
* Quality control lab at cotton mill (I was a textiles major my frshman year in college)
* Student newspaper at NC State (yeah, it was a paying job)
* Local newspaper in my hometown (summer intern)
* Singing telegrams (no joke)
* Staff writer for the daily newspaper in Raleigh, NC
* Ad sales rep for the paper in my hometown
* Co-owner/manager of a Putt-Putt golf franchise (and yes, I still have the bag of tokens)
* Sports editor and feature columnist for the hometown paper
* Student Media Advisor at NC State
* Manager of Adventure Island mini-golf and games in Henderson
* Game designer at the company
* Muddle management at the company (no typo there)
* Plumber's assistant

There's a little overlap of jobs in that list that makes the chronology a little hinky... but that's the digest version of Tim's work history. Not exactly a straight-line career path. More like a bee's mating dance.

Anyway, the moral of this story is that I don't have a "field" so to speak. I just do stuff, and, for the most part, do it well enough to keep jobs and get promotions. The odd thing is, that with the exception of my first semester in college, this is the first time I haven't had a job since I was 14 years old. It's very odd not to have a job to go to.

So, what AM I going to do now? Beats me, but I look at this as a great opportunity. I can do whatever I want, sort of. I have a couple of months to figure it out. Then the money runs out and I may be delivering pizzas. But rather than stress about it, or constrain myself to looking at jobs "like the job(s) I've done," I've decided to take a big, wide look around and see what I WANT to do. I've come to the conclusion it's okay to want stuff, and to pursue the stuff you want. As long as it doesn't blind me to the reality of my responsibilities to my family.

So... here goes Tim on a job-seeking adventure. I don't know how long it will last, or where it's going, but I know it won't be boring :-)

2005-09-06T07:52:00.000-04:00

Okay... so how DO you put headers on these things?

Anyway, after finally rising from my death couch after a nearly two-week battle with an "upper repiratory infection," I'm back among the living.

Sorry I was out of touch for a while (some of you will have noticed that more than others, and for that I apologize). I had a gig working with a plumber digging holes for drain lines for parts of the last two weeks, so my online time suffered. Mainly because I was stoopid, and even though I was sick, I still dragged my ass up every morning and went to work in a dusty building shell to dig holes. By the time I got home in the evenings, it was pretty much showers and straight to bed. After a VERY lazy Friday through Monday, though, I feel much better.

Why did I continue to go to work in an environment not conducive to recovering from an upper respiratory infection? I'm not sure, really. The job was a known "temp" thing. It's not like I thought they were going to turn me into an overnight plumber. I think I convinced myself it was because I didn't want them to think I didn't show up for work because I couldn't handle the manual labor.

I think now it's because I wanted to prove to myself it wasn't because I couldn't handle the manual labor. Well, damnit, I did it. I took all the work the job threw at me and didn't miss a day. All it cost me was about 60% of my lung capacity. A fair trade to find out I wasn't too soft after 15 years behind a desk and a few weeks of pandering around the house.

Now if I can just get rid of this cough.

2005-08-28T09:49:00.000-04:00

Tim's Theories...

Welcome to the first installment of Tim's Theories. Periodically, I'll offer up a theory, or general observation that I find interesting. Debate is welcome, of course, since this is, after all, Tim's Theories, and not Tim's Facts :-)

Tim's Theory #1.

"The only difference between religion and politics is data."

Deep huh?

Think about it. Both bitterly divide people, cause wars, provide an impetus for changing leadership, etc. But one is based on faith, and the other on information.

Case study 1: Person A believes a man named Jesus was the son of God, and the savior to all humankind. Person B believes cows are holy. Person C says "Prove it. And pass the burgers."

Person A and Person B proceed to talk the ears off Person C (while trying to convince each other they are wrong), but offer no proof. Just anectdotal support of their "feelings." Nothing is resolved.

Case study 2: Person A supports the death penalty, tax breaks and the right to bear arms. Person B hates the death penalty, wants more socialized medicine and thinks Charleton Heston should stick to making movies. Person C says "Prove it. And pass the tofu burgers."

Person A and Person B whip out tons of statistics, charts and made-up numbers, proceed to talk the ears off Person C (while trying to convince each other they are wrong), but still offer no conclusive proof. Just data to support their "feelings." Nothing gets resolved.

Religion and Politics. Lots of arguing. Not a lot of conversions. The difference? One has data, which allows people to feel like politics is based more on science than religion, and is therefore something different than religion. I doubt that's really true.

Now you know why I rarely talk about politics or religion :-)

2005-08-28T09:43:00.000-04:00

Routine is all about enertia...

Really it is. I have a hard time with routines. Getting into them and breaking them. Case in point:

I love to read everyone's blogs. Read them everyday. We all have sites we check regularly, and checking my friends' blogs is one of my routines. I just do it.

Posting on my own blog? New routine. Not... quite... there... yet. Must... change... routine.

Baby steps. Baby steps.

2005-08-23T07:24:00.000-04:00

Bits and Pieces

My son, who is 4 years old, informed me last night that he wanted to "take tomorrow off."

Like father, like son...

---

Thanks to everyone who posted comments to my blog entries. It's funny how just putting something out on the web can elicit feedback ranging from repairing your psyche to instructions on how to post pics online. Even better that both extremes are helpful and welcome :-)

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I'm having to learn my prime "blogging" period. Since I'm a newbie, I'm not sure if I'm a morning blogger, or an evening blogger. Maybe even a nooner every now and then. Of course, once I find consistent gainful employment, that might help my settle into a routine. As for now, it's pretty random.

---

I promise to be more active in posting to other people's blogs. I have, for the most part, been lurking heavily. I guess a little quid pro quo is in order if I want to keep the dialog going on both ends. So... be prepared to be commented on.

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Some of you guys have posted (and I appreciated that), but I don't know what your blog is. Please let me know, because I'd like to see how your mind is working these days too :-)

Until then...

2005-08-20T20:12:00.000-04:00

Man I love Fantasy Football drafts. It's the only time of the season when my picks haven't proven me wrong :-)

Of course, the part I love the best is hanging out with friends (in the NC league, most of whom I see once a year at the draft), talking junk and football, and catching up.

If nothing else, a Fantasy Football draft is the modern man's quilting bee.

Note to self: I gotta spend some more time on this blog thing and learn how to do more stuff like pictures and links. Looks doable by someone with my rudimentary skills.

2005-08-19T00:36:00.000-04:00

Well, the pain is gone. Mostly.

I don't feel guilty anymore. I don't feel ashamed anymore. Of course, I have a whole new set of anxieties that come from being unemployed (albeit voluntarily) with a wife, kid, and a baby on the way.

But mostly I feel the pain ebbing. I thought this would be the case. Glad I finally owned up to it and made the decision to take back the wheel and drive where I want to go.

It has been undoubtedly the worst 8 months of my life. Now, I've had a good life. A damn good life. A wonderful, happy life growing up living with my parents, an opportunity to go to a good college and get a degree, a wonderful wife and kid, and, up until the last year or so, satisfying, rewarding jobs. Not really a lot of room to complain when you get right down to it.

Maybe the last 8 months weren't so bad if it were judged on someone else's scale of suckitude. Going through 3 layoffs and languishing in a sea of despondence might be a pretty good deal for some people, compared to their life as a whole. But for me, it was excruciating. Whether that means I'm a puss, and don't face adversity well, or that it was something anyone would have struggled with, I can't yet say for sure. Whatever the reason, I'll accept the fact that it just wasn't something I was prepared for.

I really couldn't put into words all the thoughts and emotions of the past 8 months. All I can say is that I'm sorry it happened like it did. Part of me knows there wasn't a lot I could do about it. Part of me refuses to place all the blame on others. In any event, it's done. Of course, it's not "over"... and it won't be until I know everyone I used to work with is in a good place. Even then, it won't ever be "right."

So... all I can really say to put this to rest for me (and I do mean to put this to rest for me - I won't comment on this again here), is to express my utmost gratitude to everyone who could have hated me, and didn't (at least not so I could see it), to those who could have blamed me, but chose not to do so, and to those who, despite my involvement in their own upheaval, cared enough to check up on me when it was my turn to be removed from the matrix. What does a person do to deserve such a group of friends?

Okay... I told Evan now that I was unemployed I could not avoid the siren call of the blog. I don't know why. It's not because I have more time. Far from it. I'm much busier now than I have been in the past several months. Perhaps it was the fact I enjoyed reading everyone else's thoughts so much I couldn't resist playing as well. You know I hate to be left out :-)

So why Phase6? Pretty simple really. I've taken a bit of a retrospective look at my life in the last few weeks, and my life, as I define it, has basically been through 5 phases. Phase1 - birth to high school graduation. Yeah, I know that's a long time, and you change a lot, but really, it was all one long instructional period to prepare me to live outside the comfort zone my parents had built for me. And I love them dearly for that. Phase2 - college. All six years :-) Phase3 - the shortest phase... the two years after I graduated college. The "missing years." I fumbled around in Henderson, lived with my parents, and really just existed in some sort of stasis. Not going backward, not going forward. Phase4 - the period in which I returned to NC State as an employee, learned a lot about life, myself, and started the forward motion that got me good jobs, nice places to live and a great life partner. Phase5 - leaving the nest in NC and coming to VA for The Company. A great phase. No regrets. Phase5 is done now. Time for Phase6.